Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist S05E13 · Paranoia

Overview

Ben wakes Katz up in the middle of the night, claiming to hear a noise. Katz hears it too, and they both think they're being burglarized. After first trying to scare off the burglar (""I'm sure glad they haven't outlawed semi-automatic weapons in the city yet!""), they give up (""Help yourself, take whatever you want, just lock up when you're done""). Turns out the burglar doesn't get in, but Katz and Ben over-react -- oddly, this time it's Katz who over-reacts more. They get new locks and bars on the windows, and Ben wants a hamster. Katz tells Julie and Stan that a home is burglarized every 15 minutes, and that he can't believe he called 911 and was told he had the wrong number. (Stan: ""Did you dial N-I-N-E-one-one?"" Katz: ""OK, you win, you're the stupidest guy in the bar."") Katz suggests a lower peephole, in case the burglar is a midget. Why? Because every horror movie he's seen has an evil midget in it. (Movies mentioned: ""Midget Killers,"" ""I'm Small and You're Dead,"" ""Too Small to Let

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Episodes

1. 1 1. Old Man1998-06-17 · 30mKatz seems to be losing energy and is sleeping later in the morning. He wonders if he's feverish, but in fact, he feels a little cold.
2. 2 2. Fanny Pack1998-06-22 · 30mKatz gets a fanny pack to hold his cell phone, beeper, electronic organizer, and various other technological gadgets.
3. 3 3. Metaphors1998-06-29 · 30mKatz brings up the job issue with Ben, and a series of metaphors ensues.
4. 4 4. Movies1998-07-06 · 30mKatz and Ben try to decide on a movie. Katz wants to see ""Love Strings"" (a chick flick), while Ben wants to see ""Fire Power.
5. 5 5. Ticket1998-07-13 · 30mKatz gets a ticket for running a stop sign, despite his efforts to lighten up the cop (""That is a great color for you""). Ben asks, ""Why didn't you play with his mind?"" and sugg
6. 6 6. Phone Luv1998-07-20 · 30mBen becomes enamored of Cindy, a telemarketer from Telepurchase. He mistakes her powerful sales skills for actual affection, and wants to have a private conversation with her, resu
7. 7 7. Chain Letter1998-07-27 · 30mBen is surprised to get a letter from boyhood friend Lance Garcy. Turns out it's a chain letter, and Ben is quite awed by its power of causing tragedy to strike those who ignore it
8. 8 8. Babysitting Ben1998-08-03 · 30mKatz gets a death threat, via Laura, who is unclear on the details; she didn't press for more information because ""I didn't want to make him angry--er.""
9. 9 9. Miles Away1998-08-10 · 30mBen's goes to visit his cousin Sarah, in an unnamed city, from whom he once stole money when he was 6 (""It was over a dollar,"" he says as he worries whether she's still upset).
10. 10 10. London Broil1998-08-17 · 30mBen points out, ""When we spend time together over breakfast: boring,"" leading to a discussion of the old games he and Katz used to play when Ben was a kid. Katz asks him to take
11. 11 11. Feng Shui1998-08-24 · 30mBen begins rearranging the furniture in the apartment after picking up a book on Feng Shui, an ancient Chinese philosophy that teaches believers to arrange the objects in their sur
12. 12 12. Alderman1998-09-21 · 30mKatz is disturbed to learn that the city alderman he voted for is corrupt. He talks about what HE would do if he were alderman: ""I'd like to bring crime back into the streets and
13. 13 13. Paranoia1998-09-28 · 30mBen wakes Katz up in the middle of the night, claiming to hear a noise. Katz hears it too, and they both think they're being burglarized. After first trying to scare off the burgla
14. 14 14. Waltz1998-10-05 · 30mAs Katz and Ben prepare to go to Katz's niece Rachel's wedding, Katz discovers that since Uncle Morty is dead, he'll have to dance with Rachel -- and he can't waltz.
15. 15 15. Anniversary1998-10-12 · 30mKatz's wedding anniversary is approaching, so Ben wants to do something for him.
16. 16 16. Community Theater1998-10-19 · 30mKatz is auditioning for a community theater production of ""Love's Retreat.
17. 17 17. Ping-Pong1998-10-26 · 30mKatz's old ping-pong rival David Stanick calls and wants to play again -- for $750. Katz agrees and starts to train and worry.
18. 18 18. Thanksgiving1998-11-23 · 30mIt's Thanksgiving, and something big happening: Katz's ex-wife Roz is coming for dinner