Late Show with David Letterman S08E92 · Anthony Hopkins, Erykah Badu

Air date: 2001-02-05

← Episode 91 Episode 93 →

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Overview

Dave's desk has been repainted a gaudy light blue; Dave rants about last Saturday's debut of the XFL, demanding that the players huck folding chairs at each other; "non-surviving Survivor" Kel Gleason denies that he brought a secret food stash to the Australian Outback.

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  1. 1 1. Wesley Snipes, Dido2000-08-21Dave shows that he has a bandaged finger, claiming that he got a poison gas sensor alarm at his house over the weekend. He later breaks down, admitting that he cut his finger maki
  2. 2 2. Jon Favreau, Stone Temple Pilots2000-08-22Dave shows a supposed clip of the Bushes applauding Al Gore's acceptance speech. Later, several of Joe G's customers participate in a game called "Pizza Survivor."
  3. 3 3. Jack Hanna, Wyclef Jean, Survivor Castaways2000-08-23The cast of the original "Survivor" are featured in a special Top Ten list. Later, Dave chats with Jack Hanna.
  4. 4 4. Richard Hatch, Shaquille O'Neal2000-08-24Dave asks "Survivor I" winner Richard Hatch about his "appearance" on the show last night.
  5. 5 5. Charles Grodin, Donal Logue2000-08-25Dave shows the "rabid dingo" bite clip again; Biff tests his psychic abilities with unlabeled canned goods; Donal Logue promotes "The Tao of Steve."
  6. 6 6. Mary Tyler Moore, Papa Roach2000-08-28Dave's finger still hurts; Paul offers to pick up Anna Kournikova for her upcoming appearance; Alan makes a special offer to Anne Heche and Ellen DeGeneres (who just split up).
  7. 7 7. Ricki Lake, Adam Ferrara2000-08-29Dave fusses about the polar ice caps melting and The Weather Channel's inability to cover it. Later, Alan closes "Campaign 2000" by singing "Climb Every Mountain" and starting a f
  8. 8 8. Rudy Giuliani, Laetitia Casta2000-08-30On the 7th anniversary of the first episode on CBS, Dave points out that he has made exactly 3,280 episodes in late night, and that his favorite was #1150. Later, Biff goes to a s
  9. 9 9. D.L. Hughley, Tony Bennett & Diana Krall2000-08-31Dave quizzes a secretary from Hartford with "Know Your Employees of Don Hewlett Chevrolet-Oldsmobile-Buick in Georgetown, Texas."
  10. 10 10. Tim Robbins, Andy Kindler2000-09-01During CBS Mailbag, Gerard explains why he's voting for Bush, and Dave marries Richard Hatch of "Survivor I" fame.
  11. 11 11. Carson Daly, Dwight Yoakam2000-09-04During a segment called "Summer Memories," Anton recalls being attacked by a giant mosquito. Later, Carson Daly plugs "TRL."
  12. 12 12. Renee Zellweger, Bonnie Raitt2000-09-05After reviewing stills of Dave's hand being stitched up, we're ready for the removal of the stitches, simulcast on www.cbs.com/lateshow. In the guest chair is Dr. Lou Arrone; he s
  13. 13 13. Jamie Foxx, Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals2000-09-06Alan interrupts Dave, claiming Monday was his 5th anniversary working on the show. He's mad because Dave forgot. He runs out into street, strips to his undies, and flips Dave off
  14. 14 14. Jesse Ventura, Spinal Tap2000-09-07An audience member from Buffalo named Mel Chastain plays "Know Your Professional Bill Gates Lookalikes." Dave likes her so much that Biff hands her "Lion King" tickets.
  15. 15 15. Greg Kinnear, Jake Johannsen2000-09-08CBS Mailbag: Dave teaches grade school, while "AP writer Adam Klymer" (the scribe Dubya referred to as a "Major League Asshole," as played by Gerard) gives the future president the
  16. 16 16. Marat Safin, Sting2000-09-11Biff blows up a bicycle tube and a soccer ball with a tire pump; Sting and Cheb Mami sing "Desert Rose."
  17. 17 17. Chris Rock, Emmylou Harris2000-09-12How Many Guys in Cat Suits Can Fit into a Coffee Shop? Walking in with no resistance are seven cats, a dog, Santa, a guy in a red cape, three monkeys, Moses, Dracula, Hercules, an
  18. 18 18. Sally Field, Eddie Irvine2000-09-13A "Banned from the Classroom" bit includes a jar of spit ball spit; Jack Daniels drink boxes; Professor George W. Bush's Build Your Own Electric Chair kit; the book Human Sexuality
  19. 19 19. Al Gore, Crosby Stills & Nash2000-09-14Warren Zevon fills in for Paul Shaffer, who was sick that night.
  20. 20 20. Kate Hudson, Supergrass2000-09-15Nadine and Andrea rescue Calvert from under Dave's desk again. Later, Dave shows a "new" Hillary Clinton ad.
  21. 21 21. Sylvester Stallone, Rocco DiSpirito2000-09-25Dave goes on another lengthy tirade, correcting an article that appeared in yesterday's New York Times Magazine, calling Rush Limbaugh a "giant bag of gas," and then showing a phot
  22. 22 22. Gabriel Byrne, Kevin James2000-09-26Dave gives the results of Olympic events before they air on NBC. Belgium seems to have won all of them except one (Finland).
  23. 23 23. Denzel Washington, Mark Knopfler2000-09-27Dave comments on Monday's rant by stating that while he has never been a non-voting Republican (according to the Times Magazine), he once registered as a Democrat. Later, Denzel W
  24. 24 24. Ray Romano, Ralph Nader2000-09-28Dave begins the evening by announcing, "Tonight is my final performance." Meanwhile, Vince Gill sits in, and presidential candidate Ralph Nader makes a campaign stop.
  25. 25 25. Jada Pinkett Smith, LL Cool J2000-09-29Dave makes another Ball State Football Update, declaring last week's 74-0 trouncing by Kansas State as being closer than the score reveals. Later, Alan Kalter interrupts Dave to s
  26. 26 26. Geena Davis, Tom Cavanagh2000-10-02A segment called "What's On TV This Week" is interrupted by two guys who burst into the theater fighting. Later, Tom Cavanaugh promotes his new show, "Ed."
  27. 27 27. Christine Baranski, Green Day2000-10-03"Late Show Iron Chef" -- Joe G. vs. Rupert Jee, Round 2: Rupert makes an omelet with Cajun spices, while Joe G makes a ham calzone; Maria Pope declares Joe G the winner.
  28. 28 28. Farrah Fawcett, Loretta Lynn2000-10-04Paul's sick tonight, so Anton's in charge and Cliff Carter sits in on keyboards. Dave calls "Paul" (who has a nasty upper respiratory thing), with Barry White providing the ailing
  29. 29 29. Kevin Spacey, Lenny Krayzelberg2000-10-05Biff plays "Super Unlabeled Canned Goods of the Night" (now with institutional-sized cans). Biff tastes chili, but Warren thinks it was chili the last time he sat in. He's wrong:
  30. 30 30. Magic Johnson, Jewel2000-10-09Since Paul's still sick, a guy comes out to show what Paul would have worn tonight; Eddie Brill fills in for Alan; Al Rent of Ball State comes out to give Dave the game ball from t
  31. 31 31. Ben Stiller, Merle Haggard2000-10-06Dave welcomes Rulon Gardner, who won the gold medal in wrestling at the Sydney Olmypics. Later, Warren Zevon promotes his new album.
  32. 32 32. Regis Philbin, Jim Gaffigan2000-10-10Barry White impersonates Paul via telephone yet again; after the latest edition of "Pat and Kenny Read Oprah Transcripts," Alan plugs "PK: The Pat and Kenny Magazine"; Jim Gaffigan
  33. 33 33. Jason Alexander, Anthony Boudain, Foo Fighters2000-10-11Calvert grabs a Kleenex® from Dave's desk during the jokes; Warren Zevon is still sitting in for Paul, who has developed pneumonia; a segment called "What Does It Cost?" reveals th
  34. 34 34. Martha Stewart, Spike Lee2000-10-12Like he has on previous nights, Calvert walks through during the monologue. Tonight, he goes to Dave's desk, picks up the phone and dials, says "Get me the police!," hangs up and w
  35. 35 35. Mark Wahlberg, Incubus2000-10-13During tonight's "Alan Kalter's Campaign Round-Up," the announcer sings an impromptu rendition of "Who Let the Dogs Out"; George Clarke attempts to lose weight by fasting through t
  36. 36 36. James Caan, Angela Perez Baraquio2000-10-16Paul's back and finished with his lengthy bout with pneumonia; throughout the week Dave introduces vegetables that didn't win a prize at the fair, and tonight it's farmer Bob Fowle
  37. 37 37. Helen Hunt, Willie Nelson2000-10-17Nadine Hennelly and Andrea Sande come out (a day late) with roses for Paul to celebrate his return. Dave announces that he's not feeling too well, so Nadine and Andrea come back t
  38. 38 38. Joaquin Phoenix, Allison Moorer2000-10-18Dave lists some rejected Ball State mascot names from long ago, and learns that their previous nickname was the "Hoosieroons." So, Dave announces that Ball State may name its foot
  39. 39 39. George W. Bush2000-10-19After months of fruitless attempts, Dave finally lands Republican presidential candidate George Walker Bush as a guest on the show. During the interview, Dave grills Dubya about c
  40. 40 40. Lawrence Fishburne, Lenny Kravitz2000-10-20Dave show clip of Gov George bush from yesterdays show where bush cleans his glasses with sweater of lady standing next to him during break (producer Maria Pope)
  41. 41 41. Will Smith, Derek Jeter2000-10-30
  42. 42 42. Show #15002000-10-31During the annual "Halloween Costumes" segment, Calvert claims a dead fish as his treat and Dave's car the morning after All Hallow's Eve; George Clarke gorges himself on candy in
  43. 43 43. Alec Baldwin, Gil de Ferran2000-11-01Calvert stands right smack in front of Dave at his desk and has to be shooed away; Biff, with a little help from Benny Agbayani, does an experiment on juiced baseballs on the roof;
  44. 44 44. Kathie Lee Gifford, Mark Borchardt2000-11-02Dave calls Biff out to answer the question of an audience member: "Does he sleep with his headset on?" Of course he does. Later, Dave makes fun of a James Brolin made-for-TV movi
  45. 45 45. Madonna2000-11-03Madonna makes her first guest appearance in over six years.
  46. 46 46. Don Rickles, Moby & Gwen Stefani2000-11-06Dave reports that before the show he was trying to trim his hair above his ears and accidentally buzzed himself in the lobe; the winners of the NYC Marathon run through, followed s
  47. 47 47. Adam Sandler, Outkast2000-11-08It's the day after the infamous presidential election, so Calvert walks onstage and asks Dave, "How'd Nixon do?" Later, Dave shows (bogus) CBS election coverage with the headline
  48. 48 48. Cokie Roberts, Patricia Arquette2000-11-09Calvert comes by for a smoke, then sings "Who Let the Dogs Out?" with Alan; Cokie Roberts offers her predictions on the election recount, as does Patricia Arquette.
  49. 49 49. Lucy Liu, Aaron Neville2000-11-10Calvert interrupts the jokes, asking for a sandwich; during "CBS Mailbag," Dave makes a quick trip to Europe to visit his three Dutch fans, then accidentally decapitates Paul; Lucy
  50. 50 50. Kid Scientists, Samuel L. Jackson2000-11-13During the monologue, Dave does a "Classic Clinton Joke": "He's so fat he can't see who he's having sex with." Also, Biff reports from the election mess in Palm Beach County, Flor
  51. 51 51. Bruce Willis, Charles Barkley2000-11-14Calvert comes out to tear up the cue card for the Classic Clinton Joke; Dave tells another dentist-related horror story; Alan congratulates Hillary Clinton on behalf of her winning
  52. 52 52. Mike Myers, Ricky Martin2000-11-15Calvert serves Dave some coffee; Mike Myers shows a clip from a movie he made when he was 13.
  53. 53 53. Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Elliot2000-11-16Calvert comes out to clean his glasses on Dave's jacket; Michael McDonald (of Steely Dan and Doobie Brothers fame) sits in; the show closes with the CBS Orchestra playing the theme
  54. 54 54. Val Kilmer, Everclear2000-11-17Anton tells about his troubles with a kid on Halloween; Dave's interview with Val Kilmer goes horribly awry.
  55. 55 55. Susan Sarandon, Kasey Chambers2000-11-20After having one flag put on the set last night, Dave now has two flags behind his desk so he can "look more presidential." Later, Dave gives Susan Sarandon a silver gravy serving
  56. 56 56. Brian Williams, Faith Hill2000-11-21Calvert comes out dressed like Dave and inspects a ballot; Dave demonstrates his improved facial maneuverability, and then thanks his dentist; the Brazilian Olympic bobsled team pr
  57. 57 57. Richard Simmons, Giselle Bundchen2000-11-22Calvert comes out to comb his hair, and leaves the stage to a standing ovation. Also, Richard Simmons comes out in an orange and yellow turkey outfit, prompting Dave to defend him
  58. 58 58. Stupid Human Tricks, Keri Russell2000-11-23Dave apologizes for last night's show. Later, he shows highlights from the staff Thanksgiving Party, during which Dave dresses as a pilgrim and Paul gets thrown out for being Cana
  59. 59 59. Matthew Broderick, David Gray2000-11-24Calvert applies Chap Stick to his face; Dave finally gives an explanation for his behavior two nights ago (something involving how he won't let anybody touch his neck); during "CBS
  60. 60 60. Bette Midler, Jack Hanna2000-11-27Calvert comes out with a remote control to zap Dave; a tiger cub belonging to Jack Hanna develops a strange fondness for Dave.
  61. 61 61. Martha Stewart, Christina Aquilera2000-11-28Rather than do something, Calvert walks onstage, stands next to Dave for ten seconds, then walks away; Dave now has twelve flags behind his desk; Dave and Martha Stewart make Beef
  62. 62 62. Jon Stewart, Everlast2000-11-29Calvert cleans the cameras; Dave refers to Paul as "President-elect Paul W. Shaffer;" Dave mentions that magician David Blaine is frozen alive in a block of ice at Times Square...c
  63. 63 63. Mel Gibson, Todd Barry2000-12-11Calvert walks onstage drinking a quart of egg nog straight out of the carton; to promote Dave's upcoming appearance in Bosnia, Biff visits a troop stationed there. In honor of his
  64. 64 64. Charles Grodin, Bobby LaBonte2000-12-12Calvert drinks more egg nog; Charles Grodin; 2000 NASCAR Winston Cup champion Bobby Labonte; Dave shows outtake footage of last night's "Biff in Bosnia."
  65. 65 65. Jay Thomas, Orny Adams2000-12-13Dave shows a picture of President-elect Bush wearing a funny cowboy hat; in case there are any updates on tonight's decision, live via satellite, three guys stand around in Austin,
  66. 66 66. Helen Hunt, Robert Klein2000-12-14Dave shows a clip of MSNBC's Bob Kur mumbling during his report of last night's Supreme Court decision; an audience member tries to sneak out of "Know Your Current Events."
  67. 67 67. CBS Mailbag, At the Drive-In2000-12-15Paul walks over to adjust Dave's shirt; Calvert drinks more egg nog; during Mailbag, we watch "Dave's Trip to Norway," in which he ends up in Finland by mistake; Gerard thanks the
  68. 68 68. Sean Connery, Barenaked Ladies2000-12-18Dave shows a clip of President-elect Bush and Colin Powell hugging rather awkwardly; Rupert, Mujibur, Sirajul, and Joe G. decorate the Late Show Christmas Tree; in honor of the afo
  69. 69 69. Tom Hanks, Darlene Love2000-12-19It's "Bosnia Night" on the Late Show: Dave wears night-vision goggles during the monologue; the audience consists entirely of members of the Armed Forces; the Hi-Ho girls deliver t
  70. 70 70. George Clooney, Sade2000-12-20In honor of his 35 years with CBS, Dave gives cameraman Dave Dorsett a fake Christmas gift; Dave announces that staff morale at the Late Show has never been lower, so Paul suggests
  71. 71 71. Juliette Binoche, Jonathan Witherspoon2000-12-21Calvert sprays snow from a can on a camera lens. Dave squeegees it, but he gets the foam all over his suit. Also, comedian John Witherspoon does impressions of Nat King Cole and
  72. 72 72. Uma Thurman, Brian Regan2000-12-22Calvert is dressed as Santa; during Mailbag, Alan prepares for a role in a porno movie by sitting in a bathtub filled with egg nog; Brian Regan comments on the joys of air travel.
  73. 73 73. Lily Tomlin, Anthony Clark2000-12-26Calvert comes out with his shiny new scooter; Dave asks Steph/Monty to tape "Jackass" for him; Paul discusses Hanukkah, then admits that he's in a drunken stupor; Dave claims that
  74. 74 74. Jay Mohr, Snoop Dogg2000-12-27Dave tells 10 "It's so cold..." jokes; Dave, Rupert and others bid a fond farewell to Joe G. Pizza, which is moving to W. 56th Street next month; Dave mentions a "Cue Cards Awards
  75. 75 75. Benjamin Bratt, Jimmie Walker2000-12-28Dave has a special new year's message for the kids (not to mention his biker buddies): "Ride straight." Also, Dave tells six more "It's so cold…" jokes during the monologue, and
  76. 76 76. Matt Damon, Fuel2000-12-29
  77. 77 77. Sarah Jessica Parker, Jamie Bell2001-01-08Dave mentions that Ed won a People's Choice Award for Best New Series. He says he's never won one "because the people don't like me." Alan Kalter brags about winning a similar awar
  78. 78 78. Tim Robbins, Julie Bowen2001-01-09An old man resembling Calvert walks onstage after the monologue; 60's pop singer Jackie DeShannon sits in and croons some of her biggest hits; Dave shows (bogus) footage of Preside
  79. 79 79. Dennis Quaid, Jason Seahorn2001-01-10The old guy/Calvert surrogate from last night stares blankly at the camera; Dave asks Steph/Monty for dental tools; another "Day in the Life of Hillary Clinton" skit is abandoned,
  80. 80 80. Kim Cattrall, Bob Sarlatte2001-01-11Throughout the night, Giants placekicker Brad Deluiso kicks field goals. Also, Kim Cattrall claims Garry Shandling tried to set her up with Dave years ago, but Dave denies it.
  81. 81 81. Christine Baranski, Seal2001-01-12Mailbag: Pat Farmer wears a skirt, while a hot dog vender (Michael Z. McIntee) sells Dave a hot dog with "I love you" spelled in mustard.
  82. 82 82. Dan Rather, Vinnie Jones2001-01-15Dave shows a photo of a cake Dorothy made to commemorate the one-year anniversary of his quintuple-bypass; Dave asks Steph/Monty for some Miller® Lite inflatable chairs; after Barr
  83. 83 83. Sean Penn, Lauren Kessler2001-01-16Dave starts off the show by discussing the launch of Oprah's new magazine, and then he shows a copy of Martha Stewart's rag, claiming that for a time Martha was penniless and livin
  84. 84 84. Matthew McConaughey, Elle Macpherson2001-01-17Dave complains that his chair is not as comfortable as he would like it to be, then hypothesizes that it's the lumbar adjustment that's causing the problems; during the latest "Las
  85. 85 85. Neve Campbell, George Miller2001-01-18Dave admits that he's addicted to carbohydrates; NYC Chief of Police Bill DeLace gives snow survival tips; Dave shows two clips of George W. Bush pronouncing big words.
  86. 86 86. Tom Selleck, Richard Ashcroft2001-01-19On the eve of President Bush's inauguration, Dave tells one last "Classic Clinton Joke" from 1998. Also, during Mailbag, the staff falls victim to a gas leak, while a question abou
  87. 87 87. John Goodman, 3 Doors Down2001-01-29Dave comments on yesterday's Giants-Ravens Super Bowl, then shows footage of MVP Ray Lewis with confetti stuck on his face. Also, Maria Pope introduces Dave to prison guard Debb E
  88. 88 88. Dolly Parton/William Petersen2001-01-30Throughout the night, various celebrities (such as Regis and Dave) endorse a "Hacking Cough of the Night." Also, Biff introduces his report from Super Bowl XXXV in Tampa, where he
  89. 89 89. Patricia Heaton, Jeff Pobst2001-01-31Dave demands that Johnny Knoxville from "Jackass" appear on the show; Dave shows a clip of President Bush slapping the first lady in the butt in public; Jeff Probst and a guy prete
  90. 90 90. Keanu Reeves, Tony Siragusa2001-02-01Dave casually mentions that today is the nineteenth anniversary of his first foray into late night, and Nancy Agostini and Mike McIntee walk out and give Paul flowers. Later, Dave
  91. 91 91. Jack Black, Aimee Mann2001-02-02During Mailbag, Harold Larkin goes to Jupiter, then looses his pants due to their extreme gravity; Alan Kalter discusses Good Morning America's plan to show a live childbirth on Tu
  92. 92 92. Anthony Hopkins, Erykah Badu2001-02-05Dave's desk has been repainted a gaudy light blue; Dave rants about last Saturday's debut of the XFL, demanding that the players huck folding chairs at each other; "non-surviving S
  93. 93 93. Jennifer Lopez, matchbox twenty2001-02-06Dave mentions that the front of his desk was painted blue the previous weekend, and now we know why: it's a makeshift screen for projecting various pieces of videotape. Amongst th
  94. 94 94. Marv Albert, Katie Holmes2001-02-07In conjunction with a certain upstart football league, Dave announces that the show will change its name to "XLS- the Extreme Late Show," effective immediately. Also, Dave makes a
  95. 95 95. Regis Philbin, Rod Stewart2001-02-08Biff reports from Bloomfield, Connecticut; an audience member plays Chopin on Paul's piano; history repeats itself as Dave announces that New York State Police Trooper William McCl
  96. 96 96. David Boreanaz, Mitch Hedberg2001-02-09For the last month or so, a little old man walks onstage during the monologue, stands next to Dave, and walks away. Tonight, there's a twist: the old guy walks out, and followed s
  97. 97 97. Kelly Ripa, Jamie Oliver2001-02-12Dave engages in a lengthy discussion about stomach flu, then calls Art Kelly upstairs to inquire about staff members with the virus. Shortly afterwards, Art hands the phone to Ste
  98. 98 98. Stupid Pet Tricks, Tom Cavanagh2001-02-13It's milestone in the long and celebrated history of "Stupid Pet Tricks" as Regis the duck eats cottage cheese out of owner Rebecca Kraft's mouth. The sight of the stunt is so rep
  99. 99 99. Chris Rock, Spacehog2001-02-14Dave shows a Valentine's Day bouquet he claims came from Jackass star Johnny Knoxville; Dave comments on last night's grotesque Stupid Pet Trick, then shows the clip of the "rabid
  100. 100 100. Stephanie Seymour, Nelly2001-02-15Dave announces that last night's show has been pardoned by ex-President Clinton; daredevil Steve Direnzo jumps off the roof of the theater, then comes in to take a bow; "Biff Hende
  101. 101 101. Megan Mullally, Eddie Brill2001-02-16A segment called "Dave's Henchmen Force a Price Waterhouse Executive to Reveal the Best-Picture Winner" pretty much explains itself; during Mailbag, a spoof of the upcoming film "H
  102. 102 102. Julia Roberts2001-02-19Dave goes on one of his all-time greatest rants, this time protesting the inhumane conditions on Survivor: Outback, then chastises Tony for supposedly picking his nose with a cue-c
  103. 103 103. Samuel L. Jackson, Timothy Treadwell2001-02-20Alan Kalter interrupts Dave with a few seductive words for Jennifer Lopez on the occasion of her break-up with Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs. Shortly afterwards, he starts singing some
  104. 104 104. James Caan, Nelly Furtado2001-02-21Throughout the night, Don Hewitt (aka the Man on Fire) is body-checked by several New York Rangers; during Mailbag, an audience woman names her dog in honor of Dave ("Come along, *
  105. 105 105. Benicio Del Toro, Shaggy2001-02-22George Clarke interrogates celebrites at last night's Grammys; ten grade-schoolers from Bowie, Maryland present the Top Ten; live via telephone, Dr. Henry Kissinger says the name o
  106. 106 106. Bill O'Reilly, Jim Gaffigan2001-02-23Sam Moore (of Sam & Dave) and Billy Preston sit in; Kansas State University high jumper Nathen Leeper can't demonstrate his talents on 53rd Street because of a snowstorm; during Ma
  107. 107 107. Kevin Pollack, Dave Matthews Band2001-02-26Dave shows off his brand new desk, then complains that he has nothing worth asking to "Survivor: Outback" loser Kimmi Kappenberg; Les Moonves and "Fidel Castro" (Tony) go out for l
  108. 108 108. Heather Locklear, Allison Krauss, Gillian Welch, Emmylou Harris, The Soggy Bottom Boys2001-02-27Dave shows the woman/duck and "rabid dingo" clips yet again; Dave discusses the new theory that a meteorite may prove life on Mars, prompting Alan Kalter to go berserk with conspir
  109. 109 109. Tom Brokaw, Leslie Bibb2001-02-28Dave announces that after a recent awkward experience, he will no longer attend network meetings of any kind; Les Moonves and Fidel/Inky continue eating lunch; Dave shows footage o
  110. 110 110. Martin Short, Jake Johannsen2001-03-01Dave sheds more light on his rant from the previous night, asking Paul if an network exec has ever said to him, "Do you have a problem with me?" Also, Martin Short performs a musi
  111. 111 111. Michael Imperiloli, Josh Joplin Group2001-03-02Mailbag: "My son Tommy turns five on Saturday. Will you come to his party?" Dave says he'd love to, then drives over to the kid's house. The magic of a celebrity guest appearance
  112. 112 112. Janet Jackson, Jill Scott2001-03-12Dave introduces himself as "David Letterman… TV badass"; Dave discusses the handling of the non-surviving Survivor: Outback contestants, then wonders if they'll put him on probat
  113. 113 113. Denis Leary, Anne Bancroft & Liv Arnesen2001-03-13Throughout the night, Pat Farmer shoots hoops on the roof.
  114. 114 114. Cokie Roberts, Uncle Kracker2001-03-14Dave says he's finished sending lemon trees to guests he may have irritated, then makes his NCAA Tournament picks. Also, throughout the night, Pat Farmer shoots hoops on the roof.
  115. 115 115. Antonio Banderas, Nick Cave2001-03-19The suit that Paul's wearing tonight reminds Dave of Colonel Harland Sanders; the band plays songs by The Mamas and the Papas, in honor of the recently deceased John Philips; Dave
  116. 116 116. Kristin Davis, Grant Paulsen2001-03-20Johnny Johnson and James Burton sit in with the band; Dave shows footage of MIR returning to earth, only to decimate the camp where [i]Survivor: Outback[/i] was filmed; Alan rants
  117. 117 117. Jerry Seinfeld, Paul Simon2001-03-21Dave introduces the bandleader as "Paul W. Shaffer"; the "spring flying rat migration" is observed outside; Bill DeLace does a hidden-camera Top Ten inside a beauty salon.
  118. 118 118. George Carlin, Powderfinger2001-03-26A segment called "What We Love about Spring in New York" finds George Clarke in his favorite sundress and Harold Larkin beating the crap out of a pay phone. Also, Dave refuses to
  119. 119 119. Nathan Lane, Shannon Elizabeth, Cast of The Producers2001-03-27Dave announces he's feuding with AOL, claiming that they're "a rinky dink little deal" and that the "bastard geeks" are monitoring his email; the Top Ten is aborted; Nathan Lane pe
  120. 120 120. Jennifer Love Hewitt, Train2001-03-28A really tall guy (approximately 6' 8") sits in with the band; Biff goes to Chappaqua, New York to gather gossip on the Clintons; Train performs "Drops of Jupiter."
  121. 121 121. Johnny Knoxville, The Go-Go's2001-03-29Paul's weekend plans are somehow incorporated into "Know Your Current Events," while Dave finally meets his hero du jour, Johnny Knoxville of Jackass.
  122. 122 122. Isabella Rossellini, Wendy Lieberman2001-03-30At the end of the monologue, Dave does his suit-modeling shtick; during Mailbag, Dave gets included in this year's Academy Award "In Memoriam" reel; Dave decides that from now on h
  123. 123 123. Craig Kilborn, Warren Zevon2001-04-02Dave and Paul announce that on Friday a 40-piece orchestra will be sitting in onstage later in the week; Dave rants about AOL again; Warren Zevon performs "I Was in the House When
  124. 124 124. Hugh Grant, Sade2001-04-03Dave claims he's been sending tons of obscene e-mail to AOL and that is ready to sue them for monitoring everyone's messages; Biff makes his annual visit to Yankees Spring Training
  125. 125 125. Paul Reubens, Run DMC & Stephan Jenkins2001-04-04The "Late Show All-Star Security Camera" finds 70's sitcom star Gabe Kaplan trying to sneak inside the theater; Dave and Gaines argue over a Top Ten list that may be too offensive
  126. 126 126. David Spade, Amanda & Jonny Schwebel2001-04-05Dave tells a lengthy "driving home on 684" story, and later he chats with a pair of fraturnal twins that recently interviewed former President Clinton.
  127. 127 127. Carson Daley, Jann Karem, The CBS Giant Orchestra2001-04-06After four days in the making, it's "Orchestra Night" at the Late Show, with fifty combined strings, brass, and woodwind players taking up nearly the entire stage; during Mailbag,
  128. 128 128. Mike Krzyzewski, Semisonic2001-04-09Dave fumes over the reworked DVD edition of Lawrence of Arabia, and Jerry Foley letterboxes Dave and turns him blue to show the home viewers what Daddy saw on the disc. Later, he
  129. 129 129. Renee Zellweger, Stephen Malkmus2001-04-10
  130. 130 130. Holly Hunter, Idlewild2001-04-11Dave returns to last night's rant about his faulty Lawrence of Arabia DVD, and announces that the producers sent him a new copy today, and that it did the same thing, thus leading
  131. 131 131. Tom Green, Dr. Geoffrey Marcy2001-04-12Dave celebrates birthday #54 by repeatedly showing a Gap ad featuring a very comely woman dancing/walking; we are treated to a clip show of some of the various moments of the last
  132. 132 132. LL Cool J, The Living End2001-04-13CBS Mailbag: "Who does your taxes?" Dave points out that someone named Jimmy does his taxes, and via flashback, we learn Jimmy is actually a dog. At the end of the segment, Jimmy
  133. 133 133. Liv Tyler, Billy Idol2001-04-23Dave looks back at all the interviews he's done with booted Survivor contestants, then gives his usual cold-shoulder approach to 5th place finisher Rodger Bingham.
  134. 134 134. Billy Crystal, The Bee-Gees2001-04-24Dave announces the woman from the Gap commercials is going to be on the show later this month, and then grumbles that he's given the Gap® several free runs of the commercial and he
  135. 135 135. Don Rickles, Jayson Williams2001-04-25Dave reports CBS sales figures the Late Show has run about $750,000 worth of free Gap® commercials so far, and for the first fifteen minutes of the show Tony accounts the free item
  136. 136 136. Sylvester Stallone, Green Day2001-04-26Throughout the night, "Gap Girl" Melissa Bernheim dances onstage; Dave mentions his victory at last night's American Comedy Awards; Dave says CBS will air this year's semi-controve
  137. 137 137. John Goodman, Jeff Stilson2001-04-27Melissa Bernheim dances onstage again; during Mailbag, Dave's middle initial is added to the theatre marquee, but if falls off and kills a guy; John Goodman does his own version of
  138. 138 138. Kirsten Dunst, Cirque de Soleil2001-04-30Dave comments on Survivor contestant Elizabeth Filarski's hair loss and how the producers of the show did not come to her aid; Dave (repeatedly) shows a clip from last night's live
  139. 139 139. Matthew Broderick, Brandi Chastain2001-05-01Dave says the ladies on staff at the Empire State Building gave him a private viewing at the Hayden Planetarium. Also, Dave shows a (fake) clip of The Weakest Link where "Anne Rob
  140. 140 140. Regis Philbin, David Gray2001-05-02Dave tells multiple "It was so hot today…" jokes; the outside cam catches a doctor at a sidewalk booth doing laser eye surgery with a magnifying glass; Dave plays the background
  141. 141 141. Bill Murray, Stevie Nicks2001-05-03Dave announces he's the real Survivor; all sixteen of the show's most recent contestants present the Top Ten; Stevie Nicks performs "Candlebright."
  142. 142 142. Joan Cusack, Andy Kindler2001-05-04Shuggie Otis sits in on guitar, and later the band performs his one and only hit, "Strawberry Letter 23." Also, during Mailbag, Gerard and his fake son Timmy comment on the pendin
  143. 143 143. Tina Wesson, Kate Hudson, The Blind Boys of Alabama2001-05-07Dave mentions the Kentucky Derby, then whines about not getting to hear Dave Johnson saying "…and down the stretch they come!" Luckily, the other Dave does it for Daddy by phone.
  144. 144 144. Uma Thurman, Blues Traveler2001-05-08
  145. 145 145. Kid Scientists, Juliette Lewis2001-05-09In her first appearance on the show, intuitive Deborah Lynn attempts to get George Clooney's phone number. She gives Dave a random number, but it's invalid. After the first comme
  146. 146 146. Jenna Elfman, Destiny's Child2001-05-10Dave rants about last night's Country Music Awards, claiming it's not "real country" anymore; Harold Larkin addresses an important labor issue until the whistle blows and he has to
  147. 147 147. Heath Ledger, Lewis Black2001-05-11Mailbag: "I'm going to see a movie this weekend. Which one should I see?" Dave introduces a segment called "Kenny Sheehan's Movie Review," during which the stagehand watches a movi
  148. 148 148. Charlie Sheen, Missy Elliot2001-05-14Dave calls Art Kelly (the theater receptionist) about a possibly offensive joke from last Fridays' monologue involving Miss Columbia and having smuggling heroin as her talent. Dav
  149. 149 149. John Travolta, R.E.M.2001-05-15Returning to last night's controversy, Dave announces Miss Columbia 2001 will be a guest on Thursday's show, then profusely apologizes for the heroin-smuggling remark; Dave shows a
  150. 150 150. Mike Myers, David Byrne2001-05-16Dave tells a string of "It's so dry…" jokes during the monologue; David Byrne performs "Like Humans Do."
  151. 151 151. Andrea Noceti, Jack Hannah, Ricky Martin2001-05-17A technical issue near Paul's keyboards is repaired in the middle of the first act; Dave mentions that a cover of The Weathergirls' "It's Raining Men" (written by Paul in 1983) is
  152. 152 152. Kelsey Grammar, Smothers Brothers2001-05-18Mailbag: harp player Gloria Agostini plays live accompaniment for the chin-rubbing flashbacks, Anton feeds his goldfish chips and salsa, and Tony ruins the season finale of The Sop
  153. 153 153. Ray Romano, Dennis Tito2001-05-21Buddy Guy sits in on guitar; Dave congratulates Regis on his much-deserved Daytime Emmy win; Steph/Monty tells an amusing story about her incontinent Doberman; Alan Kalter has a sp
  154. 154 154. Stupid Human Tricks, Ellen DeGeneres2001-05-22Dave shows the audience his favorite (bogus) moment from last night's show: astronaut/billionaire Dennis Tito vaporizing Dave's head with his laser eyes. Also, Ellen Degeneres pro
  155. 155 155. Alec Baldwin, Yogi Berra2001-05-23Ray Benson sits in; "NYPD Chief of Police" William DeLace gives tips to college grads; baseball great Lawrence "Yogi" Berra promotes his autobiography.
  156. 156 156. Tom Brokaw, Badly Drawn Boy2001-05-24Dave celebrates Bob Dylan's 60th birthday with concert footage of a very old man struggling to play the guitar; Tony Orlando interrupts Dave to sing an original number about Memori
  157. 157 157. Danny DeVito, Larry Miller2001-05-25Mailbag: "Have you ever seen the Monkey Man?" Dave introduces the Monkey Man, who as any keen-eyed viewer can attest, is actually Gerard Mulligan in disguise. Monkey Man shows us
  158. 158 158. Helio Castroneves, Tom Dreesen, Lucinda Williams2001-06-04Dave presents the new studio floor, which is now dark blue after several years of being crimson red; Dave admits he's having problems with his computer; Biff mentions that he's los
  159. 159 159. David Duchovny, Trisha Yearwood2001-06-05Paul accidentally interrupts the monologue by getting attacked by a bee during the monologue, and Dave gives him grief for the remainder of the show.
  160. 160 160. Jimmy Fallon, The Black Crowes2001-06-06It's time for a segment called "For the Kids." George Clarke hogs the attention of an ice cream vendor, a Toys r Us employee takes a bow, Tony attempts to teach basic phrases in Sp
  161. 161 161. Dan Rather, Elvis Costello & Anne Sofie von Otter2001-06-07Dave drones on and on about a buzzkill staffer who declined Dave's offer of a free apple; in honor of this unknown staffer, Paul reprises his hit song "Lumpy Colon"; Dave repeats R
  162. 162 162. Andy Dick, Brian Regan2001-06-08During Mailbag, Dave is repelled by President Bush's daughter "Debbie" (Gerard); ten CBS affiliate weathermen present the Top Ten; Andy Dick promotes Go Fish.
  163. 163 163. Marv Albert, Sugar Ray2001-06-11Dave criticizes the Los Angeles Lakers' "pixie" jerseys; Dave shows news footage of a bear in somebody's swimming pool, and then claims it's his backyard; Paul introduces some dwee
  164. 164 164. Luke Perry, Jim White2001-06-12Paul wins the latest round of "Late Show Pay Phone Trifecta"; Dave chats with Steph/Monty via telephone to discuss a blind date that never happened; the "Top Ten Other Television S
  165. 165 165. Kim Cattrell, Mary Chapin Carpenter2001-06-13Dave helps Paul with some computer problems; in honor of the coming demise of Bozo the Clown, Dave shows (bogus) footage of the kiddie show star; Tony Mendez tries to help NYC's re
  166. 166 166. Star Jones, blink-1822001-06-14Dave continues to discuss the retirement of Bozo the Clown, but his remarks about big, red, ugly hair results in an inevitable hissy fit from Alan. Also, Dave honors the passing o
  167. 167 167. Jon Stewart, David Brenner2001-06-15Mailbag: "Can I host the show for a few minutes?" Sure enough, viewer Jason Lynch is hosting the show, while Dave sits in the green room watching Leno. Also, Paul admits that he j
  168. 168 168. Dikenbe Mutombo, David Bowley, Cesaria Evora2001-06-18After Paul admits that he doesn't recall what he looks like, Dave calls receptionist Art Kelly to ask if he's ever been formally introduced to the bandleader. Art doesn't give Dav
  169. 169 169. Tom Arnold, David Sedaris2001-06-19Team Rahal racer Kenny Brack inexpicably sits in on guitar, while David Sedaris reads a selection from his new book.
  170. 170 170. Jimmy Kimmel, PJ Harvey2001-06-20A remarkably slim and trim Biff introduces footage of him hanging out at the Grand Prix in Detroit. Also, Dave and Paul (of all people) talk about hair care, which proceeds into a
  171. 171 171. Ewan McGregor, Moby2001-06-21Paul sits in the guest chair for five minutes so he can promote Cover Wars, a new game show he's hosting on VH1. Also, Alan announces that Epil stop n' spray is the new official s
  172. 172 172. Chris Elliot, Harry Hill2001-06-22Mailbag: "What would you do if the world was coming to an end?" Dave admits he doesn't know much about this topic, so he introduces astrophysicist "Dr. Saul Perlmütter" (Gerard),
  173. 173 173. John McCain, Shawn Wayans2001-06-25Dave has another rant about his computer problems, claiming that Late Show techno-guru Walter Kim keeps coming to his house on weekends to try to help, but he steers clear of insul
  174. 174 174. Catherine Zeta-Jones, Depeche Mode2001-06-26Dave continues to steam over his technological issues; Catherine Zeta-Jones calls Dave "Jay" and profusely apologizes; Depeche Mode performs "I Feel Loved."
  175. 175 175. Marlon Wayans, Alan Webb, Coldplay2001-06-27Dave's computer problems only get worse, as he couldn't name a certain part he needed, causing IBM to send him the wrong part. Also, Dave chats with prep athlete Alan Webb, the ne
  176. 176 176. Sean Hayes, Brian Wilson, Darrius Rucker, Matthew Sweet2001-06-28Dave goes on a spiel about the traffic on the interstate this morning; an "Incredible Dog Challenge" is held outside, with the winning dog jumping over a giant phony check for a mi
  177. 177 177. Tony Danza, Nick DiPaolo2001-06-29Mailbag: all of tonight's letters are read by James Earl Jones, George Clarke's flashback to a night of sex and gambling is sponsored by Donald Trump's Taj Mahal hotel, and an alle
  178. 178 178. Reese Witherspoon, Jonatha Brooke2001-07-09Dave announces that he may have parasites crawling around head, prompting Paul to call him a "maggot brain"; Dave and Steph/Monty go over vacation pictures; Dave confirms that he h
  179. 179 179. Julia Roberts, Travis2001-07-10Dave announces that Jude Brennan's cousin (a parasite expert) has told him that there's nothing to worry about. Also, on a remarkably star-studded night, Puff Daddy appears for a
  180. 180 180. Edward Norton, Dido2001-07-11Dave grumbles about the lack of quality guests appearing on the show, during which Paul comments on his inappropriate question towards Julia Roberts ("Are you getting laid these da
  181. 181 181. Juliana Marguiles, George Miller2001-07-12Dave theorizes on the show's four Emmy nominations (announced earlier that day)- either no one's watching or the voters don't care anymore; for the second night in a row, Alan is b
  182. 182 182. Vince Vaughn, Elayne Boosler2001-07-13Dave introduces "live satellite feed" of President Bush staring of into space; during Mailbag, Alan throws one of tonight's letter writers (played by Jay Johnson) out of a fourth-s
  183. 183 183. Piedmont Bird Callers, Hank Azaria, Maria McKee2001-07-16Rather than come out of nowhere, Dave orders the muscle guy to pummel Alan; during a segment called "Summertime Leftovers," Dave once again shows footage of his "look-alike" (himse
  184. 184 184. Kelly Ripa, Bob Sarlotte2001-07-17Alan is caught nibbling on a pizza, but surprisingly doesn't get beaten up; Dave makes a snarky comment about Jay Leno's chin; former David Letterman Show announcer Bob Sarlette ta
  185. 185 185. John McEnroe, Youssou N'Dour2001-07-18Alan orders a pizza, and the delivery guy beats him up; live via satellite from the Indianapolis suburbs, Dorothy celebrates her 80th birthday with a Dave impersonator and a fridge
  186. 186 186. Jon Favreau, The Holmes Brothers2001-07-19Another pizza for Alan results in another beating for Alan; Dave shows a photo of the FBI Building with the "I" missing; Joan Osbourne and The Holmes Brothers perform "Can't No Gra
  187. 187 187. Billy Crystal, Al Lubel2001-07-20Dave brags about his mom's 80th birthday "whoop-tee-doo and grabass" this weekend; during Mailbag, Dave rescues Paul from The Man on Fire; Billy Crystal clobbers the guy who regula
  188. 188 188. Jeff Meyer, Christopher Walken, Widespread Panic2001-07-23A celebration for Calvert's 80th birthday turns into an excuse for Dave to ignore him and flirt with the Hi-Ho girls; Dave chats with Jeff Meyer, who named a poplar tree after Dadd
  189. 189 189. Tom Selleck, David Rakoff2001-07-24Delbert McClinton sits in; Steph/Monty (live via telephone from the 12th floor) discusses in length her plans from last weekend; Tom Selleck introduces an old movie clip of him, an
  190. 190 190. Mark Wahlberg, Michael Lomonaco, Tegan & Sara2001-07-25Dave proudly announces that he's wearing orange socks tonight, but only so he can shove Steph's face into a birthday cake after the show; Alan gets beat up yet again, and remains b
  191. 191 191. Greg Kinnear, Afro Celt Sound System & Peter Gabriel2001-07-26The tambourine player sitting in with the band beats up Alan; Dave shows another old comedy clip to kill time (Show #818, Dave's harassment of delivery people); Greg Kinnear tells
  192. 192 192. Marilu Henner, Hugh Fink2001-07-27Mailbag: "How long has Paul been bald?" Dave fears that this might be a sensitive question, but Paul rubs his chin anyway. A flashback reveals that Paul used to have a long, wavy
  193. 193 193. Kristin Davis, Nanci Griffith, Mark Borschardt2001-07-30Some guy dressed up as "Lance Armstrong" comes onstage on a bicycle and beats up Alan, then runs over to Hello Deli to pummel Rupert. Later, Dave shows photos of him stuffing Step
  194. 194 194. Sean Combs2001-07-31Dave makes Rupert play a deli-themed version of "Beat the Clock." Later, after his conversation with Sean Combs goes longer than expected, Dave is forced to chat with newsanchor D
  195. 195 195. Lance Armstrong, Thora Birch, Jamie O'Neal2001-08-01
  196. 196 196. Nicole Kidman, Iggy Pop2001-08-02
  197. 197 197. Antonio Banderas, Jeffrey Ross2001-08-03