The Colbert Report S03E13 · Barry Lando

Air date: 2007-01-29

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Overview

Colbert wins bet with mayor of Oshawa after Saginaw Spirit defeated Oshawa Generals. Colbert discusses Microsoft paying someone for Wikipedia edits, and concludes that reality has become a commodity. Wag of the finger to Scientology, which named Tom Cruise as the "Christ" of the cult.

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  1. 1 1. Ethan Nadelmann2007-01-08Stephen opens the show disappointed that Saddam Hussein was suddenly hanged over the show's break. He responds to Lake Superior State University's ban of the word 'truthiness' in "
  2. 2 2. Jim Cramer2007-01-09Freem replaces superstantial in the opening sequence. Stephen thanks former Archbishop of Warsaw Stanis³aw Wielgus for being caught in a Catholic Church scandal of a non-sexual nat
  3. 3 3. David Kamp2007-01-10Stephen criticizes Bush for not sending 300 million troops as Stephen advised the day before but he pardons him if this is "the only mistake he makes in this war". He then talks ab
  4. 4 4. Judy Woodruff2007-01-11Stephen starts with another episode of his challenge "What Number is Stephen thinking of?" with a clip from 2005. He then celebrates 5 years of Guantanamo Bay and talks to the exec
  5. 5 5. Alex Kuczynski2007-01-15Wishing viewers a happy Martin Luther King Day, Stephen calls for a nationwide lie-in to refuse engaging in "anything at all", in the style of passive protest such as Rosa Parks, t
  6. 6 6. Dinesh D'Souza2007-01-16In anticipation of Bill O'Reilly arriving in-studio on Thursday, Stephen lashes out at Jimmy the director for a squeaky chair. In a new segment "Invasion of the Country Snatchers",
  7. 7 7. Richard Clarke2007-01-17Still in anticipation of Bill O'Reilly arriving in-studio on Thursday Stephen is more nervous than the day before, bringing out some cherished objects he plans to show O'Reilly the
  8. 8 8. Bill O'Reilly2007-01-18The big day is here, so Stephen is crazy with anticipation that Bill O'Reilly will be on the show, stating that his only goal with this show was to see this day, which makes him re
  9. 9 9. Tom Schaller2007-01-22Stephen is disappointed at the loss by the New Orleans Saints to the Chicago "God-less killing Machines" Bears. In another "Who's Riding My Coattails Now?", Stephen calls out Bill
  10. 10 10. Michael S. Steele2007-01-23Stephen explains that this is the second of two episodes they taped on January 22, so that he can host a State of the Union address party on the 23rd. Russ Lieber appears in-studio
  11. 11 11. Lou Dobbs2007-01-24Lou Dobbs, author of War on the Middle Class, faces the truth hammer when he sits down to talk with Stephen.
  12. 12 12. Mike Wallace2007-01-25Bill O'Reilly spills the beans on Stephen, and says what he really thought of him on his show. Stephen interviews Coach Bob Mancini of the Saginaw Spirit. And he doesn't like how h
  13. 13 13. Barry Lando2007-01-29Colbert wins bet with mayor of Oshawa after Saginaw Spirit defeated Oshawa Generals. Colbert discusses Microsoft paying someone for Wikipedia edits, and concludes that reality has
  14. 14 14. Donna Shalala2007-01-30Stephen opens the show by showing a clip from Fox News' Fox and Friends, talking about the invisible beam that makes a person think he is on fire. Stephen then talks about how he s
  15. 15 15. Jed Babbin2007-01-31Stephen opens the show by discussing the "problem" with Global Warming and in protest replaces Bobby with a 5000 Watt heat lamp. This is followed by the return of the "On Notice" b
  16. 16 16. Chuck Schumer2007-02-01Stephen comments on the 2007 Boston Mooninite Scare that occurred in Boston and laments the fact that he can no longer proceed with his obviously threatening-looking advertisements
  17. 17 17. Wendy Kopp2007-02-05Stephen is ecstatic at the slaughtering the Bears underwent in Super Bowl XLI. Also, he introduces a new product "Formula 419" (A combination of his Formula 401 and 18, Peyton Mann
  18. 18 18. Charlie LeDuff2007-02-06Stephen receives a message from Master Media International that they would be praying on his behalf on February 22. This is followed by the 40th installment of Better Know A Distri
  19. 19 19. Steven Pinker2007-02-07Stephen starts by introducing a new segment, "California Values Watch". After addressing San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's recent problems. Then talks about the controversy stirre
  20. 20 20. Debra Dickerson2007-02-08Stephen starts by talking about the astronaut incident on the news and especially that everyone talks about Lisa Nowak wearing a diaper, admitting that he too wears a diaper during
  21. 21 21. Michael Oppenheimer2007-02-12Stephen starts by dancing/singing "My Humps" behind his desk and discusses Grammys. He then talks about criticism of the Iraq War transitioning into "The Word." This is followed by
  22. 22 22. Sheryl WuDunn2007-02-13Colbert talks about the Chinese Menace, entitling a Colbert Report special report "Apocalypse Mao: Murdered By The Orient's Success".
  23. 23 23. Lance Armstrong2007-02-14Stephen makes correction, that the Chinese have four times more population than the US, not three. Colbert admonishes people teaching seniors about sex. Sport Report: about the Wes
  24. 24 24. Shashi Tharoor2007-02-15Colbert talks about how Mastermedia International will pray for him on February 22nd. Asks J. J. Abrams how his prayer day went, with photo of Jimmie "J.J." Walker showing. Then he
  25. 25 25. Zev Chafets2007-02-26Stephen compares Britain leaving Iraq to Britain leaving the U.S. and India - saying it will cause a flourish of Democracy.
  26. 26 26. Craig Venter2007-02-27Stephen comments on a recent report about Al Gore's energy usage. Outdoor Life Magazine fires a columnist for calling for an assault rifle ban, an action Stephen commends in the Wo
  27. 27 27. Nina Jablonski2007-02-28Colbert comments on how David Geffen has switched his support from Hillary Clinton to Barack Obama. Then he mentions how Tom Vilsack chickened out of the presidential race, and int
  28. 28 28. Larry King2007-03-01Mr. Colbert thanks those who prayed for him last Thursday, with his prayer hat and foam fingers. Also he comments on the coverage of the Anna Nicole Smith story. Better Know A Dist
  29. 29 29. Ben & Jerry2007-03-05Stephen comments on how many politicians have visited Walter Reed Hospital since the scandal. Ben and Jerry appeared to promote their new ice cream flavor named in honor of Stephen
  30. 30 30. Mark Frauenfelder2007-03-06Stephen brags about winning the Mega Millions drawing, which hadn't happened yet. In this segment he also mocks Viacom CEO Sumner Redstone. Then he talks about how Lewis "Scooter"
  31. 31 31. Michael Specter2007-03-07Colbert makes a rare correction about winning Mega Millions drawing, and calls his boss Sumner Redstone to grovel. The Word was about removing the military Don't Ask, Don't Tell po
  32. 32 32. Ted Koppel2007-03-08Stephen wonders why the media is still discussing the Libby trial. Then he talks about the death of Captain America, and adds more in The Word. Better Know A District guest was Joh
  33. 33 33. Nicholas Kristof2007-03-12Stephen upbraids Bill Gates for giving charitably to other nations while bemoaning America's faltering competitiveness. He retracts his disparaging comments about Captain America w
  34. 34 34. Michael Eric Dyson2007-03-13Stephen closes the show by announcing The Word ("Goodnight"), after which the credits roll.
  35. 35 35. Ed Viesturs2007-03-14Colbert introduces a new segment, "When Ancestors Attack." Then he mentions how Colorado has made John Denver's "Rocky Mountain High" their second official song. Sport Report: advi
  36. 36 36. Ayaan Hirsi Ali2007-03-15Stephen celebrates the last St. Patrick's Day ever! Then he moves on to how Latin America has so many rabid admirers of President Bush, with comments from Esteban Colberto. In the
  37. 37 37. Jerome Groopman2007-03-19Stephen talks about the latest attack in DC, on him, by Rahm Emanuel.[2] The Word refers to South Carolina proposing to allow prisoners to donate organs to reduce jail time. Threat
  38. 38 38. Willie Nelson2007-03-20While unveiling threat # .5 as an addendum to yesterday's threatdown, Stephen finds himself in agreement with a German environmentalist over the euthanasia of Knut, a polar bear cu
  39. 39 39. Benjamin Barber2007-03-21In the 45th installment of Better Know A District, the guest was Maurice Hinchey from New York's 22nd congressional district.
  40. 40 40. Katie Couric2007-03-22Debate over DC-residents voting bill with Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton. Criticism over Chicago Sun-Times face reading expert Rose Rosetree's interpretation of Stephen's faci
  41. 41 41. Gwen Ifill2007-03-26Stephen expressed his anger that a severed mummy hand was recently sold at auction, but not to him; the hand was the earliest example of we're No. #1. In response to Rahm Emanuel's
  42. 42 42. Madeleine Albright2007-03-27Stephen chided Sean Penn for his blunt criticism of the Bush administration. Stephen discusses Iran, specifically a clash over religion, with former US Secretary of State Madeleine
  43. 43 43. Jabari Asim2007-03-28Stephen displayed his disappointment at the elimination of Paulina Porizkova from Dancing with the Stars, especially given that her husband Ric Ocasek is a friend of the show. Step
  44. 44 44. Clive James2007-03-29First, Stephen questioned the necessity of the Equal Rights Amendment, since everyone should be on the honor system. Later, Stephen cited the promulgation of John McCain that Sadr
  45. 45 45. Colin Beavan2007-04-09Colbert celebrates the 4th anniversary of the liberation of Baghdad, while he eats his "Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream" ice cream. He continues to eat it through the show. And a
  46. 46 46. Jeannette Walls2007-04-10Stephen scolded the 15 British sailors whom after recently returning from captivity in Iran were seeking to publish accounts of their experience. In "The Word", he talked about Ame
  47. 47 47. Vali Nasr2007-04-11Stephen introduced the latest eponymic animal, Stephanie Colburtle, one of the leatherback sea turtles being tracked from Costa Rica to the Galapagos Islands. In "The Word", Stephe
  48. 48 48. Dr. Richard Land2007-04-12Stephen criticized Democratic senator Harry Reid for using "politicizing the war in Iraq" by citing a translation of a recent speech by Pope Benedict XVI. In "The Wørd," Stephen pr
  49. 49 49. John Kerry2007-04-16Stephen begins by issuing a correction for having called Boyd K. Packer the "Mormon Pope" or "Mope," when he is more of a Mormon Cardinal, or "Mardinal." Colbert then compares Don
  50. 50 50. Elaine Pagels2007-04-17Stephen announced that he will be having a metaphor-off with Sean Penn on Thursday's show. Update on Stephanie Colburtle the turtle who was in 2nd place at the time of broadcast on
  51. 51 51. Paulina Porizkova2007-04-18On Who's NOT honoring me now, Stephen complained that he was not being awarded a Pulitzer Prize in journalism. In "The Word," Stephen suggested the corporate sponsorship of the War
  52. 52 52. Sean Penn2007-04-19Stephen balks at a scientific study saying that chimpanzees are more evolved than humans in DNA. On "The Word," he talks about John Edwards' $400 haircut and considers him going ov
  53. 53 53. Russell Simmons2007-04-23
  54. 54 54. Dr. Andrew Weil2007-04-24The first act opens with a remembrance of Boris Yeltsin. Stephen continues with a combative interview with Eleanor Holmes Norton regarding a recent bill to give the District of Col
  55. 55 55. David Walker2007-04-25Colbert decides that a new name is necessary for the long war, and comes up with Freemerican Victernity Made in China. He then backs the idea of having illegal immigrants fight in
  56. 56 56. Madeleine Bordallo2007-04-26Stephen is unhappy at the fact that Stephanie Colburtle The Turtle did not win The Great Turtle Race, after being bested by another turtle named Billy. He claims Billy is a male, a
  57. 57 57. Neil deGrasse Tyson / Bill Bradley2007-04-30"It's the last day of April. One more month 'till Speedo season! Do your squats. This is The Colbert Report.
  58. 58 58. Malcolm Gladwell2007-05-01
  59. 59 59. Gina Kolata2007-05-02
  60. 60 60. Conn Iggulden2007-05-03
  61. 61 61. Richard Preston2007-05-07
  62. 62 62. Nassi Nicholas Taleb2007-05-08
  63. 63 63. Salman Rushdie, Jane Fonda2007-05-09
  64. 64 64. Jann Wenner2007-05-10
  65. 65 65. William Langewiesche2007-05-14
  66. 66 66. Walter Isaacson2007-05-15
  67. 67 67. Howard Dean2007-05-16
  68. 68 68. Randy Kearse, Rep. Tom Delay2007-05-17
  69. 69 69. Jared Diamond2007-05-21
  70. 70 70. John Amaechi2007-05-22
  71. 71 71. Bay Buchanan, Bob Deans2007-05-23
  72. 72 72. Jimmy Wales2007-05-24
  73. 73 73. Rep. Jan Schakowsky, Leon Botstein2007-06-04
  74. 74 74. Jessica Valenti2007-06-05
  75. 75 75. Carl Bernstein2007-06-06
  76. 76 76. Cullen Murphy2007-06-07
  77. 77 77. Dr. Michael D. Gershon2007-06-11
  78. 78 78. Josh Wolf2007-06-12
  79. 79 79. Rep. Ron Paul2007-06-13
  80. 80 80. Daniel B. Smith2007-06-14
  81. 81 81. Toby Keith2007-06-18
  82. 82 82. Anne-Marie Slaughter2007-06-19
  83. 83 83. Will Schwalbe2007-06-20
  84. 84 84. Vincent Bugliosi2007-06-21
  85. 85 85. Tom Hayden2007-06-25
  86. 86 86. David France2007-06-26
  87. 87 87. Tom Blanton, Daniel Gilbert2007-06-27
  88. 88 88. Doug Bailey2007-06-28
  89. 89 89. Richard Florida, Ben Nelson2007-07-16
  90. 90 90. Mark Moffett2007-07-17
  91. 91 91. John Mellencamp2007-07-18
  92. 92 92. Frank Sulloway2007-07-19
  93. 93 93. Simon Schama2007-07-23
  94. 94 94. Anthony D. Romero2007-07-24
  95. 95 95. Charles Kaiser2007-07-25
  96. 96 96. Robert Shrum2007-07-26
  97. 97 97. Evan Osnos2007-07-30
  98. 98 98. Kathleen Kennedy Townsend2007-07-31
  99. 99 99. Michael Beschloss2007-08-01
  100. 100 100. Michael J. Behe2007-08-02
  101. 101 101. Ian Bogost2007-08-07
  102. 102 102. Jim Cramer, Tina Brown2007-08-08
  103. 103 103. Judd Apatow2007-08-09
  104. 104 104. Michael Jacobson2007-08-13
  105. 105 105. Jerry Miller, Spencer Wells2007-08-14
  106. 106 106. Michael Wallis2007-08-15From the previous episode, Stephen again mentions the possibility that his ancestors were Jewish. He then discusses perceived inflammatory speech on the Daily Kos website and inter
  107. 107 107. Mike Huckabee2007-08-16Stephen begins by asking people not to watch his interview with Richard Branson on August 22, which has been reported in the media as a "trainwreck." Stephen then interviews Mike H
  108. 108 108. Nathan Sawaya2007-08-20Stephen continues to attack wrist violence, and says the worst offender in "Wrist snuff" is Steven Seagal. He also announces that his "WristStrong" wristbands are now available fro
  109. 109 109. Michael Shermer2007-08-21Stephen starts with the \"Smokin\' Pole: The Fight for Arctic Riches\" segment, where he attacks Canada\'s claim to the Northwest Passage through the Arctic, claiming it belongs to
  110. 110 110. Richard Branson2007-08-22In \"Colbert Platinum\", he talks about the shutting down of a helipad in Saint-Tropez and the growing demand for champagne. He then interviews Richard Branson about Virgin America
  111. 111 111. Thomas E. Ricks2007-08-23Stephen reviews the Iraq War and Dick Cheney\'s role in advocating it. He then interviews Thomas E. Ricks about the war. Stephen then talks about his broken wrist and shows a docum
  112. 112 112. Bjorn Lomborg2007-09-10Tonight Stephen welcomes the former director of the Environmental Assessment Institute and author of Cool It: The Skeptical Environmentalist’s Guide to Global Warming, Bjorn Lombor
  113. 113 113. Garrison Keillor2007-09-11Tonight Stephen welcomes humorist and author of Pontoon: A Novel of Lake Wobegon, Garrison Keillor.
  114. 114 114. Joel Klein2007-09-12Tonight Stephen welcomes the chancellor of New York City Schools, Joel Klein.
  115. 115 115. Ed Begley Jr2007-09-13Tonight Stephen welcomes actor and environmental activist and co-author of Grassroots Rising, Ed Begley jr. Also Stephen talks with Father James Martin, author of My Life with the
  116. 116 116. Susan Sarandon2007-09-18Tonight Stephen welcomes actress and activist and the co-star of In the Valley of Elah, Susan Sarandon.
  117. 117 117. Naomi Wolf2007-09-19Tonight Stephen welcomes feminist and author of The End of America: A Letter of Warning To A Young Patriot, Naomi Wolf
  118. 118 118. Jeffrey Toobin2007-09-20Tonight Stephen welcomes legal writer and author of The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court, Jeffrey Toobin.
  119. 119 119. Thomas Friedman2007-09-24Tonight Stephen welcomes New York Times columnist and author of The World is Flat [Updated and Expanded]: A Brief History of the Twenty-First Century, Thomas Firedman
  120. 120 120. John Grisham2007-09-25Tonight Stephen welcomes retired attorney and author of Playing For Pizza, John Grisham.
  121. 121 121. Tony Bennett2007-09-26Tonight Stephen welcomes opera singer Nathan Gunn, whose new CD is Just Before Sunrise.
  122. 122 122. David Schwartz2007-09-27Tonight Stephen welcomes the chief film curator of the Museum of Moving Image, David Schwartz.
  123. 123 123. Charlie Savage2007-10-01
  124. 124 124. John Mearsheimer2007-10-02
  125. 125 125. Jim Lovell2007-10-03
  126. 126 126. John Kao2007-10-04
  127. 127 127. George Saunders2007-10-08
  128. 128 128. Stephen Colbert2007-10-09
  129. 129 129. Gen. Wesley Clark2007-10-10
  130. 130 130. Chris Jordan2007-10-11
  131. 131 131. Paul Glastris2007-10-15
  132. 132 132. Bob Drogin2007-10-16
  133. 133 133. Garry Kasparov2007-10-17
  134. 134 134. Craig Newmark2007-10-18
  135. 135 135. Richard Berman2007-10-29
  136. 136 136. Craig Venter2007-10-30
  137. 137 137. Col. Lawrence Wilkerson2007-10-31
  138. 138 138. Walter Kirn2007-11-01