The Colbert Report S06E18 · Eliot Spitzer

Air date: 2010-02-02

← Episode 17 Episode 19 →

Watch now

Overview

Stephen pays tribute to J.D. Salinger, and Eliot Spitzer is happy to see Obama tough on Wall Street.

Torrents

Searching torrents…

Subtitles

…

Episodes

SpecialsSeason 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Season 5Season 6Season 7Season 8Season 9Season 10Season 11
  1. 1 1. Erick Erickson2010-01-04Stephen tries out for the U.S. curling team, and Erick Erickson opposes the RNC's purity test.
  2. 2 2. Riley Crane2010-01-05The military responds to the underwear bomber, and Riley Crane wins a contest to find 10 balloons.
  3. 3 3. Capt. Charles Moore2010-01-06The Senate and House debate health care, and Charles Moore discovers a floating patch of garbage.
  4. 4 4. James Fowler2010-01-07America executes fewer prisoners, and James Fowler talks about the power of social networks.
  5. 5 5. Mon, Jan 11, 20102010-01-11Eugene Jarecki speaks out against large banks, and Morgan Freeman says untrustworthy things.
  6. 6 6. Raj Patel2010-01-12Obama won't admit we're in the middle of a war, and Raj Patel talks about "The Value of Nothing."
  7. 7 7. Wed, Jan 13, 20102010-01-13Stephen examines the "Avatar" controversy and talks to John Heilemann about "Game Change."
  8. 8 8. Thu, Jan 14, 20102010-01-14Americans walk away from their mortgages, and Stephen talks to Kathleen Sebelius.
  9. 9 9. Emily Pilloton2010-01-18Stephen wants to dig for coal, and Emily Pilloton uses industrial design to help the world's needy.
  10. 10 10. Stephen Bosworth2010-01-19Stephen attempts to make an Olympic team, and Stephen Bosworth talks about North Korea.
  11. 11 11. Dick Ebersol2010-01-20Stephen races speedskater Shani Davis and overcomes adversity to interview Dick Ebersol.
  12. 12 12. John Farmer2010-01-21Stephen reviews Obama's first year in office, examines airport terrorism and discusses national security with John Farmer, dean of Rutgers-Newark Law School.
  13. 13 13. Kati Marton2010-01-25An unlikely candidate emerges for a New York Senate seat, and Kati Marton discusses communist Hungary.
  14. 14 14. Mika Brzezinski2010-01-26Paul Begala urges Democrats to fight back, and Mika Brzezinski balances work with parenting.
  15. 15 15. Arthur Benjamin2010-01-27Stephen demands an iPad and hopes Arthur Benjamin tells him what comes after 14.
  16. 16 16. David Gergen2010-01-28Stephen praises Bob McDonnell's speech, and David Gergen examines the State of the Union address.
  17. 17 17. Nicole Detling Miller, Jessica Smith, Harold Ford Jr.2010-02-01Stephen wins a Grammy, and Harold Ford Jr. defends his new support for gay marriage.
  18. 18 18. Eliot Spitzer2010-02-02Stephen pays tribute to J.D. Salinger, and Eliot Spitzer is happy to see Obama tough on Wall Street.
  19. 19 19. Peter Cove, John Durant2010-02-03Stephen has advice for getting America back to work, and John Durant wants us to live like cavemen.
  20. 20 20. Henry Louis Gates2010-02-04A former CIA agent makes startling revelations, and Henry Louis Gates, Jr. analyzes Stephen's DNA.
  21. 21 21. Jonathan Safran Foer2010-02-08Sarah Palin writes notes on her hand, and Jonathan Safran Foer urges Americans to eat less meat.
  22. 22 22. George Stephanopoulos2010-02-09Chris Dodd wants to take away corporate free speech, and George Stephanopoulos drinks a Heineken.
  23. 23 23. Claire Danes2010-02-10Stephen profiles Chicago's 5th district, and Claire Danes discusses her role as Temple Grandin.
  24. 24 24. Al Michaels, David Ross2010-02-11Al Michaels considers an Al Qaeda bobsled team, and Stephen unveils his Vancouver poster to David Ross.
  25. 25 25. Shaun White2010-02-22Stephen offends Ujjal Dosanjh and invites Shaun White for a Canadian beer.
  26. 26 26. Lindsey Vonn, Bob Costas2010-02-23Lindsey Vonn discusses her Austrian cheese remedy, and Bob Costas doesn't care who wins.
  27. 27 27. Scott Hamilton, Jeret Peterson, Ryan St. Onge2010-02-24Scott Hamilton discusses figure skating, while Ryan St. Onge and Jeret Peterson face an intervention.
  28. 28 28. Shani Davis, Seth Wescott2010-02-25Shani Davis thanks the Colbert Nation for his medals, and Seth Wescott refuses to wear tight clothing.
  29. 29 29. Don Cheadle2010-03-01Michael Buble sings two national anthems, and Don Cheadle considers doing heroin for Darfur.
  30. 30 30. David Brooks2010-03-02Kids may be the key to our economic future, and David Brooks discusses moderate conservatism.
  31. 31 31. Scheherazade Rehman, Garry Wills2010-03-03Scheherazade Rehman debates Greece's economy, and Garry Wills says the president has too much power.
  32. 32 32. Barry Schwartz2010-03-04Iraqi candidates sway voters with gifts, and Barry Schwartz explains the downside of too many choices.
  33. 33 33. Tom Hanks2010-03-08Ezra Klein details the reconciliation process, and Tom Hanks discusses his role as a history maker.
  34. 34 34. Annie Leonard2010-03-09Pringles recalls its two best flavors, and Annie Leonard says Americans have too much stuff.
  35. 35 35. Sean Carroll2010-03-10Charlie Cook discusses health care reconciliation, and Sean Carroll talks about the mystery of time.
  36. 36 36. David Aaronovitch2010-03-11Scott Rasmussen interprets poll results, and David Aaronovitch discusses conspiracy theories.
  37. 37 37. Robert Baer2010-03-15Stephen questions the media's focus and asks Robert Baer if the squirrel is in the basket.
  38. 38 38. Rebecca Skloot2010-03-16Stephen examines the way Americans eat and talks to Rebecca Skloot about the ethics of science.
  39. 39 39. Nell Irvin Painter2010-03-17Doctors offer vasectomy deals for March Madness, and Stephen arm-wrestles Nell Irvin Painter.
  40. 40 40. Mary Matalin2010-03-18James Martin defends social justice, and Mary Matalin tries to avoid Republican talking points.
  41. 41 41. Claire McCaskill2010-03-29Stephen breeds the elderly in captivity, and Claire McCaskill sends a message to Rush Limbaugh.
  42. 42 42. Simon Johnson2010-03-30Scandal rocks the church even harder than Creed, and Simon Johnson thinks banks have too much power.
  43. 43 43. Craig Mullaney2010-03-31The federal government raids an anti-government militia, and Craig Mullaney discusses Afghanistan.
  44. 44 44. David Frum, Judith Shulevitz2010-04-01David Frum gets fired from the Republican cult, and Judith Shulevitz discusses the Sabbath.
  45. 45 45. Dean Kamen2010-04-05Fox cancels "24," and Dean Kamen talks about his new advanced prosthetic arm invention.
  46. 46 46. Reverend Al Sharpton2010-04-06Scrabble changes its rules to allow proper names, and Al Sharpton fights for education reform.
  47. 47 47. David Simon2010-04-07Jeff Goldblum blesses a cigarette, and David Simon talks about his new show, "Treme."
  48. 48 48. Neil DeGrasse Tyson2010-04-08Tonight Stephen welcomes astrophysicist and the director of the Hayden Planetarium, Neil DeGrasse Tyson
  49. 49 49. Jeffrey Toobin, Julian Assange2010-04-12Tonight Stephen welcomes the founder of Wikileaks, Julian Assange. Also, Stephen talks with Jeffrey Toobin about the replacement of Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens.
  50. 50 50. Jon Mooallem2010-04-13Tonight Stephen welcomes New York Times journalist Jon Mooallem.
  51. 51 51. David Shields2010-04-14Tonight Stephen welcomes the author of Reality Hunger: A Manifesto, David Shields. Also, Stephen talks with the host of This Week, Jake Tapper and Bill Adair from politicfact.com a
  52. 52 52. Aimee Mullins2010-04-15Tonight Stephen welcomes athlete, actress and activist Aimee Mullins
  53. 53 53. Andrew Ross Sorkin, George Will2010-04-19Tonight Stephen welcomes political pundit George Will. Also, Stephen talks with New York Times financial columnist Andrew Ross Sorkin
  54. 54 54. Jeffrey Katzenberg2010-04-20Tonight Stephen welcomes the chief executive of Dreamworks animation, Jeffrey Katzenberg.
  55. 55 55. Craig Robinson2010-04-21Tonight Stephen welcomes Oregon State University's basketball coach and author of A Game of Character: A Family Journey from Chicago's Southside to the Ivy League and Beyond, Craig
  56. 56 56. Gorillaz2010-04-22Tonight Stephen welcomes musical group Gorillaz.
  57. 57 57. Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings2010-04-26Tonight Stephen welcomes singer Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings.
  58. 58 58. Conn Iggulden2010-04-27Tonight Stephen welcomes the co-author of The Dangerous Book of Heroes, Conn Iggulden.
  59. 59 59. Gregg Easterbrook2010-04-28Tonight Stephen welcomes the contributing editor for the Atlantic Monthly and author of Sonic Boom: Globalization at Mach Speed, Gregg Easterbrook.
  60. 60 60. OK Go2010-04-29Tonight Stephen welcomes the band Ok Go. Also, Stephen talks with California's Lt. Governor Abel Moldonado about Proposition 14.
  61. 61 61. Elizabeth Warren2010-05-03Tonight Stephen welcomes Harvard law professor Elizabeth Warren. Also, Stephen talks with the president of the Salt Institute Lori Roman and the executive director of the Center fo
  62. 62 62. Michael J. Fox, Mark W. Moffett2010-05-04Tonight Stephen welcomes explorer, biologist and author of Adventures among Ants: A Global Safari with a Cast of Trillions, Mark Moffett. Also, Michael J. Fox interrupts the Word s
  63. 63 63. David Isay2010-05-05Tonight Stephen welcomes the founder of StoryCorps and author of Mom: A Celebration of Mothers from StoryCorps, David Isay.
  64. 64 64. Stewart Brand2010-05-06Tonight Stephen welcomes environmentalist and author of Whole Earth Discipline: An Ecopragmatist Manifesto, Stewart Brand. Also, Stephen talks with The Atlantic Monthly columnist A
  65. 65 65. Gary Johnson2010-05-10Tonight Stephen welcomes the former Governor of New Mexico Gary Johnson, Also, Stephen talks with George Washington University's Scheherazade Rehman about the Greek bailout.
  66. 66 66. Hampton Sides2010-05-11Tonight Stephen welcomes historian and author of Hellhound on His Trail: The Stalking of Martin Luther King, Jr. and the International Hunt for His Assassin, Hampton Sides. Also, S
  67. 67 67. Deepak Chopra2010-05-12Tonight Stephen welcomes self help guru and author of The Shadow Effect: Illuminating the Hidden Power of Your True Self, Deepak Chopra.
  68. 68 68. The Hold Steady2010-05-13Tonight Stephen welcomes the band The Hold Steady.
  69. 69 69. Ayaan Hirsi Ali2010-06-01Manned spaceflight nears its end, and Ayaan Hirsi Ali lives under a constant death threat.
  70. 70 70. Lisa Miller2010-06-02Stephen shows shocking footage from Spain, and Lisa Miller spends seven minutes in Heaven.
  71. 71 71. Vampire Weekend2010-06-03Stephen visits the offices of Consumer Reports, and Vampire Weekend performs.
  72. 72 72. James Carville, Jonathan Alter2010-06-07Stephen fundraises for a worthy cause, and Jonathan Alter discusses President Obama's first year.
  73. 73 73. Mark Frauenfelder2010-06-08Stephen visits the Consumer Reports labs, and Mark Frauenfelder plays his cigar-box guitar.
  74. 74 74. Amb. Michael Oren, Sen. Sam Nunn2010-06-09Michael Oren defends Israel's flotilla raid, and Sam Nunn warns of the nuclear terrorism threat.
  75. 75 75. Alan Bean2010-06-10Marc Fisher debates soccer with Mark Starr, and Alan Bean shows off his moon dust paintings.
  76. 76 76. Stephen Prothero2010-06-14Stephen recaps the Tony Awards, and Stephen Prothero is going to Hell in seven religions.
  77. 77 77. Dr. Carl Safina2010-06-15Stephen has to stop hunting men and wants Carl Safina to change the color of his Blue Ocean Institute.
  78. 78 78. Devo2010-06-16Stephen gives a short, self-indulgent update on Twitter, and Devo performs.
  79. 79 79. David Mamet2010-06-17Stephen helps Bob Inglis win in South Carolina, and David Mamet discusses the dying theater.
  80. 80 80. Wes Moore2010-06-21Stephen interviews for an astronaut position, and Wes Moore discusses the imprisoned Wes Moore.
  81. 81 81. Gloria Steinem2010-06-22Stephen starts his astronaut training, and Gloria Steinem discusses the benefits of men raising kids.
  82. 82 82. Tim Westergren2010-06-23Stephen asks if Glenn Beck is a civil rights hero and talks to Tim Westergren about Pandora.
  83. 83 83. Michael Specter2010-06-24Stephen completes astronaut training, and Michael Specter discusses the dangers of denying science.
  84. 84 84. Michael Hastings, John Waters2010-06-28Michael Hastings discusses Rolling Stone article, and John Waters supports childhood rebellion.
  85. 85 85. Mayor Julian Castro2010-06-29BP puts a positive spin on the oil spill, and Stephen interviews Mayor Julian Castro.
  86. 86 86. Nicholas Carr2010-06-30Stephen plays one-on-one with Allan Houston, and Nicholas Carr criticizes the Internet.
  87. 87 87. Manny Howard2010-07-01Texas Republicans want to criminalize homosexuality, and Manny Howard turns his backyard into a farm.
  88. 88 88. Paul Krugman, Dr. Michio Kaku2010-07-05Stephen joins Cindy Cohn on the Internet and talks to Michio Kaku about invisibility cloaks.
  89. 89 89. Garret Keizer2010-07-06Writer Garret Keizer talks about his new book: "The Unwanted Sound of Everything We Want: A Book About Noise"
  90. 90 90. Steve Carell2010-07-07Actor and old friend Steve Carell faces off against Stephen Colbert
  91. 91 91. Arturo Rodriguez2010-07-08Arturo Rodriguez, president of the United Farm Workers of America talks with Stephen about immigrant workers.
  92. 92 92. Hephzibah Anderson2010-07-26Stephen downloads the solution to stop media piracy, and Hephzibah Anderson talks about her year without sex.
  93. 93 93. Thomas S. Blanton, Kevin Kline2010-07-27Stephen questions the mission in Afghanistan and challenges Kevin Kline with Shakespeare.
  94. 94 94. Elon Musk2010-07-28President Obama blows off the Boy Scouts, and Elon Musk discusses the future of electric cars.
  95. 95 95. Andy Cohen2010-07-29Bill O'Reilly issues a rare apology, and Stephen pours Andy Cohen a cocktail.
  96. 96 96. Jimmy Cliff2010-08-02Stephen previews the 2012 Olympics in London, and Jimmy Cliff performs.
  97. 97 97. Laura Ingraham2010-08-03Stephen reads some of Barack Obama's private musings to Laura Ingraham.
  98. 98 98. Michael Posner2010-08-04P.K. Winsome introduces Nielsen Mandela, and Michael Posner discusses international democracy.
  99. 99 99. Savion Glover2010-08-05Californians can now legally marry their pot plant, and Savion Glover performs.
  100. 100 100. Dylan Ratigan2010-08-10Stephen names his Alpha Dog of the Week, and talks to Dylan Ratigan about Wall Street.
  101. 101 101. David Finkel2010-08-11Michelle Obama vacations in Spain, and David Finkel describes the Iraq War's effect on American troops.
  102. 102 102. Chuck Close2010-08-12Stephen checks in on the state of America's seniors and talks to Chuck Close about art.
  103. 103 103. Richard Clarke, John Fetterman2010-08-16Richard Clarke wants a smaller intelligence community, and John Fetterman revitalizes Braddock, PA.
  104. 104 104. Barry Levine2010-08-17Stephen examines the meat industry and asks Barry Levine about his National Enquirer file.
  105. 105 105. Thomas French2010-08-18Laura Schlessinger gets in trouble, and Thomas French explains what it takes to build a zoo.
  106. 106 106. Jon Krakauer2010-08-19Stephen finds out if there's still BP oil in the Gulf, and talks to Jon Krakauer about glory.
  107. 107 107. Leslie Kean2010-08-23President Obama must prove he's not Muslim, and Leslie Kean calls for an investigation of UFOs.
  108. 108 108. Jeffrey Goldberg2010-08-24Stephen examines Internet privacy and talks to Jeffrey Goldberg about conflict in the Middle East.
  109. 109 109. Andrew Hacker, Heidi Cullen2010-08-25Andrew Hacker dismisses for-profit colleges, and Heidi Cullen warns of extreme weather
  110. 110 110. Richard Engel2010-08-26Glenn Beck re-founds America, and Richard Engel talks about the end of Operation Iraqi Freedom.
  111. 111 111. Anthony Romero2010-09-07The Tea Party wins midterm primaries, and Anthony Romero celebrates the ACLU's anniversary.
  112. 112 112. Vice President Joe Biden, Gen. Raymond Odierno2010-09-08Stephen kicks off his salute to the troops tonight with appearances by the Vice President of the United States and the general who shaved his head.
  113. 113 113. Sen. Jim Webb, Joshua Bleill, Lt. Col. Brent Cummings, John Legend2010-09-09David Petraeus honors the Colbert Nation, while Brent Cummings and Josh Bleill talk about their tours.
  114. 114 114. Lisa Birnbach2010-09-13Lisa Birnbach released "The Official Preppy Handbook" in 1980. Who'd have thought that 30 years later, we'd still have preppies but not books.
  115. 115 115. Sean Wilentz2010-09-14Stephen solves the Ground Zero mosque crisis and listens to Sean Wilentz mumble about Bob Dylan.
  116. 116 116. Saul Griffith2010-09-15The Tea Party wins the Republican primaries, and Saul Griffith tries to solve global warming.
  117. 117 117. Lawrence O'Donnell2010-09-16Stephen announces his March to Keep Fear Alive and talks to Lawrence O'Donnell about Tea Partiers.
  118. 118 118. Pavement2010-09-20A 106-year-old woman shares her secret to long life, and Pavement reunites after 11 years.
  119. 119 119. Eric Schmidt2010-09-21Craigslist shuts down its adult services, and Google CEO Eric Schmidt searches for himself.
  120. 120 120. Guillermo Del Toro2010-09-22President Obama gives a back-to-school speech, and Guillermo del Toro meets Stephen del Matador.
  121. 121 121. Oscar Goodman2010-09-23Stephen concludes his migrant farm worker training and talks to Oscar Goodman about Las Vegas.
  122. 122 122. Ken Burns2010-09-27The GOP blocks the repeal of "don't ask, don't tell," and Ken Burns talks about "The Tenth Inning."
  123. 123 123. Paul Begala, Ross Douthat2010-09-28Democratic voters suffer from apathy, and Stephen doubts if Ross Douthat is that conservative.
  124. 124 124. Steve Rattner2010-09-29The koala population suffers from Chlamydia, and Steven Rattner discusses the auto industry bailout.
  125. 125 125. Aaron Sorkin2010-09-30Stephen questions poll reliability and talks to Aaron Sorkin in the hall while people hand them stuff.
  126. 126 126. Eugene Robinson2010-10-04The Tea Party reaches out to kids, and Eugene Robinson discusses the four groups of black America.
  127. 127 127. Leon Botstein2010-10-05Stephen looks at the Mexican drug war, and Leon Botstein wants to eliminate two years of school
  128. 128 128. Mavis Staples and Jeff Tweedy2010-10-06The government tries to take control of America's food, and Mavis Staples and Jeff Tweedy perform.
  129. 129 129. Davis Guggenheim2010-10-07Joseph Califano debates Gary Johnson over Prop 19, and Davis Guggenheim addresses failing schools.
  130. 130 130. Robert Reich2010-10-11Muslims might take over the food supply, and Robert Reich talks about the future of the U.S. economy.
  131. 131 131. Brendan Steinhauser2010-10-12Schools find a new way to raise money, and M. Night Shyamalan isn't really here.
  132. 132 132. Austan Goolsbee2010-10-13Stephen questions whether it's fair to tax the rich, and Austan Goolsbee gives Obama economic advice.
  133. 133 133. Bill Bryson2010-10-14Stephen gives away free bus tickets to D.C., and Bill Bryson talks about sex in the Middle Ages.
  134. 134 134. Nicholas Negroponte2010-10-25Stephen celebrates his fifth anniversary, and Nicholas Negroponte gives laptops to poor children.
  135. 135 135. Garry Wills2010-10-26Stephen prepares for the apocalypse, and Garry Wills writes a book about himself.
  136. 136 136. Rep. Tom Perriello, Apolo Anton Ohno2010-10-27Stephen looks at the Democrats' chances in the midterms and gives Apolo Ohno a regret.
  137. 137 137. Maira Kalman2010-10-28The McRib returns on election day, and Maira Kalman falls in love with Abraham Lincoln.
  138. 138 138. Jonathan Alter2010-11-01Christine O'Donnell prays, and Jonathan Alter says Obama's allergy to gimmickry has hurt him.
  139. 139 139. Katrina vanden Heuvel, David Frum2010-11-02Stephen covers the change sweeping through America with a live broadcast.
  140. 140 140. Doris Kearns Goodwin2010-11-03Californians decide on Prop 19, and Doris Kearns Goodwin puts the midterm election into perspective.
  141. 141 141. Elvis Costello2010-11-04A popular children's TV character is outed, and Elvis Costello threatens to cut off Stephen's thumbs.
  142. 142 142. Reza Aslan2010-11-08Rand Paul wants to protect the rich, and Reza Aslan wants to bring down democracy through art.
  143. 143 143. Cee-Lo Green2010-11-09Stephen promises to lob softball questions at George W. Bush, and Cee Lo Green performs.
  144. 144 144. Martha Stewart2010-11-10Michelle Obama shakes hands with a conservative Muslim, and Stephen cooks for Martha Stewart.
  145. 145 145. Quincy Jones2010-11-11Wall Street hands out record bonuses, Nintendo goes to court, and Quincy Jones wants a Latin Grammy.
  146. 146 146. David Stern2010-11-15Jeffrey Goldberg opposes full-body scanners, and David Stern misses short shorts.
  147. 147 147. John Legend2010-11-16Stephen looks at the new trend in alcoholic energy drinks, and John Legend performs "Shine."
  148. 148 148. Ian Frazier2010-11-17Stephen wonders if America can trim its national debt, and Ian Frazier talks about Siberia.
  149. 149 149. Staff Sgt. Salvatore Giunta2010-11-18Joseph Gobbles shoots Jay the Intern, and Salvatore Giunta credits the bravery of American troops.
  150. 150 150. Dan Savage2010-11-29The advice columnist and Colbert Report national spokes-gay returns to talk about his new anti-suicide initiative for gay teenagers.
  151. 151 151. Tom Vilsack2010-11-30James Rubin discusses the WikiLeaks document dump, and Tom Vilsack brings a cheddar cheese head.
  152. 152 152. Michelle Rhee2010-12-01The former education commissioner talks about her efforts to reform the Washington D.C. school system.
  153. 153 153. David Stockman2010-12-02
  154. 154 154. Garry Trudeau2010-12-06Obama tries to win over Republicans, and Garry Trudeau looks back on 40 years of "Doonesbury."
  155. 155 155. Julie Nixon Eisenhower & David Eisenhower2010-12-07Obama extends the Bush tax cuts, and David and Julie Eisenhower recall growing up in the White House.
  156. 156 156. Steve Martin2010-12-08Stephen tests Steve Martin's art knowledge and tries to sell him last year's portrait.
  157. 157 157. Julie Taymor2010-12-09William Wegman arts up Stephen's portrait, and Julie Taymor talks about "The Tempest."
  158. 158 158. Patti Smith2010-12-13Stephen wants to feed the economy that Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt and asks Patti Smith about her memoir.
  159. 159 159. David Boies, Stephen Sondheim2010-12-14Stephen wins the Golden Tweet Award and takes issue with some of Stephen Sondheim's lyrics.
  160. 160 160. Omar Wasow, Laird Hamilton2010-12-15America is at cyberwar, and Laird Hamilton shoots the curl of Stephen's rage.
  161. 161 161. Amy Sedaris, Paul Simon2010-12-16Jesus may be a liberal Democrat, Amy Sedaris makes a tie snake, and Paul Simon performs.